JoyJoyJoy's Datingish

If Fair is not Love...then...Love is not Fair.

Thu, 30 Oct 2008 20:58:00 GMT

Just as nothing in life is fair...good people get sick, smart liars get away, and innocent people locked behind bars. Love will never be fair.

There will always be something one can give where the other is not capable of and there will always be something one can take and the other cannot.

Two different educational backgrounds, cultures, tolerance levels, financial situations, interpretation of words make up two very different souls. Even with the same genetic make-up, we come to different perceptions, conclusions and emotional reactions. There seems to be no control over it. And there seems to be no true measurement of love.

If we can first understand then accept that our love for each other will always be imbalanced, we'll be okay. The trick is, just don't let it tip over. And I still truly believe that a healthy relationship will result with the mutual understanding that one should give love in different colors, shapes and sizes but expect nothing in return.

Is there a benefit to holding your love back?

Tue, 30 Sep 2008 22:07:25 GMT

Do you believe that with 'love and relationships' what's easily built takes just as easy to break?

Is she afraid that you'll fall out of love just as fast and just as hard as when you fell in love with her?

OR maybe..

She's afraid that you'll fall in love just as fast and just as hard with someone else?

Ever been told to take it slowwwww? And do you believe there is a benefit to holding your love back and waiting?

The Chocolate Epiphany.

Wed, 17 Sep 2008 01:19:41 GMT

Unexpectedly, tears of confusion and sadness rolled down my eyes. You'd think I'd be over this by now. It's been a year.

For some strange reason I end up crying during my subway rides. I'm glad I'm not the only one since I've seen people do the same. Others do even stranger things. The shower is another popular place where my tears just naturally roll down. The sound of heavy water droplets trigger the release of the emotions trapped within.

On my train ride...

I remembered the day I came home from work and found a purple Cala Lily shaped chocolate on a stick laying on top of my fluffed pillow. With a smile I slowly picked it up and gently stared at it for a good half a minute. I wondered who it was that thought of me that day...who it was that thought I was special...

I bet it was dad! He's sweet like that. So I excitedly walked downstairs to thank him. With a confused look he smirked and said that it wasn't from him.

Was it my sister? I thought...yeah! We like to leave each other surprises now and then, but not usually on our pillows. I walked over but nope, it wasn't her either. Dazed and perplexed I decided to call a friend who would be next person that would leave me such a sweet present. But it wasn't him.

To this day, it hurts me, it confuses me, it angers me...that the person I didn't think of was my boyfriend at the time of 11 years.

To be inspired...

Fri, 12 Sep 2008 17:41:00 GMT

Earlier this summer an interest of mine told me I inspired him to write and share his world of plentiful stories. I felt confused because I have not done anything consciously to evoke such positive insight. Though I was his muse, I was not willing to take the credit he gave me for inspiring him.

Then, I met a guy recently whose body is incredibly lean. During our "blind date" he talked about strictly eating steamed food as part of his ways of keeping in shape. I've always been an active person, but never could I imagine myself changing my dietary habits. My food intake consisted of pasta with carbonara sauce, fried food and lots and lots of chips. Just after exchanging a few emails with him, I've now been inspired to start something new...

Today I attended an informative session held by one of NYC's top rated personal trainers / instructors, L. Cozick. In only a half an hour she made me want to join her women's triathlon team: Team Lipstick and Team Chapstick. I think she said she was 40+ but she looks absolutely amazing and has the energy of her whole class combined. She inspires me...Now I'm not as confused.

It is now clear to me that the energy of just loving yourself and being yourself and doing the things that you are passionate about resonate through others. It is what makes people drawn to you. These people end up craving and loving your presence - be it rain or shine.

Loyalty is something you give...

Mon, 08 Sep 2008 11:28:04 GMT

I'd like to attribute my jealous spurts to having the middle-child syndrome. So when I was asked to to list three things I'm looking for in my next relationship the one thing I had to note was a loyal person. My only ex-bf was 100% loyal yet I still had my jealous tendencies. Though deep down in my heart I trusted him. Maybe it was because he was such a 'nice guy' I felt he paid more attention to people other than me? Ironically that was one of the reasons I was attracted to him in the first place - everyone said he is 'such a nice guy.'

My father and I occasionally have love and life chats over food. Loyalty is like trust he told me this weekend. It is affected by uncountable factors and is based on the individual. I understood and learned that loyalty, like trust is not something you get becuase you ask for it, but rather something you give.

Expectations reduce joy.

Fri, 05 Sep 2008 15:49:37 GMT

This yogi agrees with me and I agree with this yogi.

Expectations reduce joy: http://theyoginme.blogspot.com/2008/06/expectations-reduce-joy.html

It's not what you say, but how you say it.

Thu, 04 Sep 2008 12:54:44 GMT

How many times have you heard yourself say:

I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way.

Many times we speak before we think - but even more so, we think through what we're going to say instead of how we're going to say it.

Reciprocate.

Wed, 03 Sep 2008 22:13:05 GMT

To return like for like (according to dictionary.com), a kiss for a kiss , a smile for a smile - but not an eye for an eye.

I recently heard about the Cup Theory of love where the underlying concept is that love is finite. We are born with a cup (our hearts) that is filled with liquid (love). In a relationship where affection is present, the liquid is poured into one another's love cup. You know you're in a healthy relationship if the liquid in each of your cup is balanced. When the liquid/love is skewed the relationship suffers and ends. What is left in your cup represents the baggage that you carry with you to your next relationship.

Picture this though. The woman expresses her affection and pours her love by cooking nightly dinners for the man she adores. He gets home tired from work and all he wants is a massage but he's too polite to ask. By this time the woman is tired and is ready to rest. After dinner he tucks her into bed, kisses her good night. This daily cycle continues...misunderstanding, lack of communication and different perceptions of love.

The fact is that love (to love and to be loved) takes time and energy - both of which are finite in a day and finite in a lifetime. We do not have the luxury of infinite time and energy. It is not to say that we should love hesitantly, but that we must first understand his/her perception of love before we reciprocate. Otherwise it becomes a wasted gesture that will lead to "does s/he love me?" thoughts, tears and regret.

Not Alone..

Thu, 21 Aug 2008 11:46:30 GMT

Spending my Wednesday dancing Samba alone wasn't supposed to be the plan. Afterwork, I rushed to Lincoln Centers' Mid Summer Night Swing and barely made it on time. Because of the anticipated rain only about 200 people showed up that evening when usually 800 out of the 1,000 tickets are sold nightly. There was more space to dance. The music was lively - with the drums just the way I liked it.

The basic steps, as the dance instructor described is like stepping on and squishing a really large cockaroach on the floor...??? I thought...the last time I stepped on a really large cockaroach was when I was 6 living in the Philippines...what happened to the sexy Brazilian dance I came here for? But, he was absolutely right, the basic steps looked just like he described.

As I watched couples, single men and women on the dance floor, I realized I may very well be the only person who came alone. I almost regretted going to a partner based dance event by myself. As the feeling of loneliness crept into my skin, a 70+ year old man, about 5'3 with very bold facial features approached me. He reached out his hands and asked me if I came with anyone. I guess it was obvious I didn't. "No, I came alone" I answered trying hard not to display a face that showed the joyless reason why I ended up alone that Wednesday. "Then can I keep you?" he abruptly responded. He is a funny man, Costas. He was strong and was full of energy.

After a half an hour of dancing to live music and talking, I no longer felt alone. I learned that he was an established architect here in NYC and his wife of many many years had just recently passed away. I'm sure he felt loneliness also but at that moment he and I did not. He even said I made him happy.

Not often does one randomly get to talk and dance with a person who's contributed to history. Not often does one get to hear another say you make them happy. Not often is one really alone. Because somewhere out there you are thinking about someone and someone else is really thinking about you too.

And as The Bonsai Tree says...Often times we underestimate our own value and self worth. People often have a way of touching many other lives in different ways. I add...as long as you have touched other peoples hearts, as you have mine, you are not alone.

Let's make happy..

Wed, 20 Aug 2008 18:19:17 GMT

I was once ased to describe meaning vs. happiness. Others thought that the two concepts are mutually exclusive, where you can't lead a life of meaning and a life of happiness at the same time...that one has to be sacrificed for the other...

From my perspective…

The meaning of life is like a road; it filters out the places where you don’t want to be and becomes a personal pathway for direction. It represents your pursuit and purpose. Though you may think you know where the road leads, when it ends and why it exists, you can only believe that it does. There are going to be unexpected obstacles that you’d have to dodge and overcome. And…there are going to be times where you will feel lost, try to find a map and want to jump off the road.

Happiness to me is the level in which you experience this road. It is the ‘how’ you feel when riding this road. It may be through smiling, touching, helping, laughing, and loving that you find happiness in this journey. Happiness is what you make out of your experiences, NOT what the experiences make you. And if you're ever questioning happiness, you're probably not experiencing it. It takes peace with yourself and with the world that allows you to find happiness.

Though I’ve never believed I can ‘make a difference’ in this world, the fact is we influence others and at the same time are deeply influenced. My purpose in life is to have a positive impact on others.
If I can give a smile to have a joyless face smile back…
If I can deliver a massage to have a body free from aches and pain…
If I can provide an Excel solution so you will remember that I’m always here to help you…
If I can tickle so you can suddenly burst in laughter…
If I can wash your body and your hair so you can be clean as me…
If I can present you with the experience of yoga so you can find peace from within…

I will be happy. It gives me a sense of purpose and a feeling of happiness at the same time. I find happiness through others and realize that many times in life it’s the small things that count.